Dinner Choice

So...

Flowers For My Girlfriend

I recently lost my job and so don't have much spare money, but yesterday

I still managed to get my girlfriend a lovely bunch of flowers.

It's amazing the things people leave tied to lamp posts these days!

Going To Work

I really enjoy going to work, but it's the 8 hours between arriving and going home

that sucks the life out of me.

Taxi Driver

My autistic brother was arrested on his first day at work as a taxi driver.

In hindsight, perhaps I shouldn't have told him to "knock 'em dead."

Office Dress

Yesterday my boss told me to be more positive and to "dress for the job you want, not for the job you have."

I must admit that I was surprised when he fired me this morning. Perhaps dressing as one of the Ghostbusters wasn't a good idea.

Getting Lucky

Once you get past a certain age, "getting lucky" means you can remember where you put down your keys!

My Wife

My wife is like a freezer for three reasons:

1) She makes a constant whining noise.

2) She can hold a lot of food inside her.

3) It can take hours of "defrosting" to make her wet.

Someone Close

Someone close to me died the other day.

Luckily there were other seats available on the bus so I could move.

Horrible One Night Stand

I had a one night stand go horribly wrong last year.

We're now married.

Miss World, Or Miss Universe?

Professional Parking

Hospital Visits

After a year of being very ill and having multiple trips to hospital with an undiagnosable illness, my Doctor finally gave me some good news.

I'm going to have a disease named after me!

Bottles And Jars

I just spent the last hour tightening all the bottle tops and jar lids in the house.

THAT will teach my wife to say she doesn't need me any more!