Bisexual Wife

My wife recently reminded me that she's bisexual - she only likes to have sex twice a year.

Love 69

I'm not surprised so many chinese people love 69.

Sizzling beef with szechuan sauce is my favourite as well!

Car Loan

I went to the bank yesterday to get a car loan.

Now I've got just about enough money to fill up the tank!

1 in 1 million

My wife told me that I'm one in a million.

Having looked through the texts on her phone, she's probably right.

Downloading mp3's

If you illegally download mp3 music whilst on holiday in Jamaica, does that make you a 'Pirate of the Caribbean?'

Dyslexic Prostitute

Did you hear about the dyslexic prostitute?

She's really good at cooking socks!

Probably The Worst Way To Die

Swimming Pool

I got thrown out of my local swimming pool yesterday for urinating in the water. I think I could have got away with it if I hadn't been on the high-diving board at the time!

Expensive!

My wife's really beginning to annoy me. I took her out for dinner yesterday and she chose the most expensive thing on the menu - a Double Whopper with cheese AND bacon!

Mirror, Mirror

I like to make love to my wife with a mirror in the room.

I tend to put it under her nose, to make sure she's still breathing.

I Think I'm Going To Need A New Camera

Plastic Surgery

I'm feeling quite depressed. I lent £10,000 to a friend of mine so he could have plastic surgery, but now I can't get my money back because I don't know what he looks like!